Let me just start with the fact that I only spent three days in this hotel, but it felt like a whole month with the experience I’ve had. 

I was in Miami for a work thing and took my wife along so that after the work was over we could stay the weekend and enjoy ourselves. We flew in on Thursday and left Sunday afternoon. Both check-in and check-out were a horrid experience I’d not wish upon my enemy. The staff was rude, slow, and unhelpful. 

The second unpleasant surprise of the trip was the room. We figured the Fontainebleau was an upscale hotel – the prices implied as much – but the room was disappointing. My wife said it was very dated, but I only cared that it was dirty.

The bathroom had red mold, the floors were dusty, there were no toiletries provided, and the room smelled like a family of smokers lived there for a decade. I had to go to my meeting so I left my wife alone.

She hoped to relax by the pool until I came back, but as she later told me it was “mission impossible”. There are no free pool chairs ever unless you’re there at 6 am, and the cabanas cost something insane, like a thousand bucks or something. 

The fridge in the room didn’t work, the ac was weak. The sheets felt disgusting and I spent half the day getting a hold of a fresh set. Elevators have waiting lines like the best clubs. If I started duolingo, I’d learn a new language just during all that waiting. 

I wouldn’t ever go back to this hotel. It was by no means five stars. First of all, we had to move rooms after the first night because there were BUGS in our bed. The “manager” of the hotel who was on duty had the nerve to say that they looked like “just ants.” I don’t know where she is from, but no matter what kind of bugs they are, this is not okay!!!

The “manager” told us that they would take off our resort fees and give us a $250 credit for the trouble. When it was time to leave, none of that was taken off our bill. I had to wait in the long check-in/check-out line to get it taken care of, and even when I asked to talk to a manager again to let them know, they didn’t come out. 

I hated the food we paid 200$ for in the evening, only the fries were edible. Had to go out and look for a Mcdonald’s like we were 10 years old! The valet service is very slow and is charged extra. To be frank, everything in this hotel costs extra (or you need to go looking for staff to get it). The beach, pool, and club were always overflowing with people – often high or drunk. Not the best experience even on its own. 

The pool and beach service were abysmal. We waited for almost 2 hours for a couple of cocktails. Everyone is super rude and unhappy to be dealing with you. Lazy, greedy staff, begging for a tip for the smallest things. Our room wasn’t cleaned even once throughout the weekend. My wife found a ball of grey hair on the bathroom floor. I really hope it came from somebody’s head! 

The one thing we hoped we’d be able to get in this hotel no matter what was sleep, but oh how naive we were! The mattress felt like a waterbed, my back hurt in the morning, but that wasn’t the worst of it. At about 2 am me and my wife woke up to horrible screaming from the room next to us.

At first, we thought someone was being murdered in there, called the front desk, and were about to dial 911. Then we heard some words in the screaming and realized there was a party going on. We never reached the front desk and just resigned to a night of poor sleep. The first thing I did as I woke up was go down and confront the staff about their unique service. They just shrugged! How is this a five-star hotel? Maybe 20 years ago… 

And for the security to stop us for no reason twice as we were trying to go to our room was humiliating. We did nothing wrong and to be treated that way was unacceptable. I was told we were seen all over the hotel. Meanwhile, we were not all over the hotel we were coming back from the beach.

I will never stay at this hotel again. It was not worth the money. The room was average. And I should be able to walk freely without being harassed. Feeling like I’m being watched. I was stopped in the elevator and then once we got off on our floor. Just ridiculous and stereotyping.

After all, that horrible time we had, my wife is super pissed at me for picking this dump to stay in. Which is completely understandable. I have been officially stripped of my hotel-picking privileges and now she will look into every little problem a hotel can have before choosing one.

This may have been one of the worst hotels I’ve ever stayed at, but the partial ocean view and the beach were pretty nice. You can definitely tell this used to be a nice hotel, but it all came undone by now. This place urgently needs new staff and new management! Find information here


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here